Do you know what it feels like...

We are in a state of war.  If you can, try to imagine for one moment what it feels like to know that there is an enemy who wants nothing less than to eradicate each and every one of us from the face of the earth, for no reason other than our existence.  This is how it plays out in our lives.

Things I am not doing:
- relaxing
- letting my mind wander
- getting rid of my headache
- staying away from my Facebook newsfeed for very long
- posting pictures of cakes and cookies on my Facebook page
- appreciating any light and fluffy posts or pictures, from either side of the ocean
- taking long, luxurious showers
- driving without paying 1000% attention to where it might be safe to pull over in case of a siren
- playing music loudly in the car
- walking into a store without checking where the safe area is
- wearing clothes that would look terrible afterwards if I had to lie down at the side of the road
- sleeping soundly
- letting my phone battery run down
- forgetting about the hideous, painful loss of our three boys
- caring what left leaning politicians and bigmouths have to say

Things I am doing:
- loving my family, my community, my nation for how amazing, thoughtful, caring you all are
- appreciating the hard work everyone is doing to take care of one another and keep spirits up
- finding extra meaning in every prayer
- mourning our lost soldiers, Hashem yikom damam
- feeling horrified at the level and intensity of anti-Semitism around the globe, and wondering why more Jews are not coming home
- welling up with pride at the 228 North American Olim who came home today, part of 1300 Olim in the last week
- continuing to help families celebrate their milestones with cakes and cookies, including marking the induction of their sons into the army, may Hashem protect them all and bring them home safely
- sharing whatever news I can with my friends and family
- feeling responsible to make sure the truth of what is taking place here gets out into the world
- using my words to challenge bias
- working to keep our family's life as normal as possible
- being grateful that despite it all, there is nowhere in the world I would rather be

Am Yisrael Chai!

Got a little ahead of myself

Is anyone else out there STILL having trouble figuring out what day it is?  Since the end of Sukkot, every day has held a bit of confusion.  So when I suddenly realized it was time for the October Kosher Connection Recipe Link-up, I figured I had better get to work.  I bought the ingredients, made the recipe, took pictures, and started the post. With the deadline looming, I neglected to write another post for the blog, assuming the new recipe would be posting shortly.  Then I checked my email, only to realize I had remembered the date wrong - I still had six days to go!!  Nothing harder for me than to write when I am not under any pressure.  So I stopped cold.

Then I started thinking of the seven different ways I could approach this post.  The many millions of super-important, clever, and amusing things I wanted to say.  The other recipes I could be posting to fulfil the theme of the month.  I just got in my own way.  So now it's Sunday morning, recipes should be posting tomorrow, and I have to finish, and I have to acknowledge the fact that the blog has laid dormant for days and days.  So I am going to apologize, and let you know that I will giving you a little bonus to make up for my laziness: an extra recipe on the theme, just for the fun of it.  But that will not be making its appearance until at LEAST Tuesday, if I can make it to my flour-laden keyboard in between filling orders.  I hope this lame little post will hold you over, just a little.

Shavua tov!
Dvora

Houston, we have a problem

We have been home for two weeks now, happily returned to our home and real life. And yet, re-entry has been somewhat difficult. Four weeks away shouldn't feel like a lifetime, but it does. For whatever reason, my brain has not fully readjusted to being home, so functioning normally - as mom, wife, and baker - is something of a challenge.


Would it be so hard to fit this into a carry-on?!

For example, my grip on both of our primary languages has slipped.  I have no idea what we have and what we are missing in the fridge, freezer, and pantry.  My grocery lists are woefully incomplete. It's almost like the post-Pesach, need to restock on all the staples and not a few extras syndrome that takes time to complete.  Every time I get out of the car, I start stomping my left foot.  Why? Because our awesome rental car, a fully loaded Chrysler Town and Country, had a parking brake pedal.  My less awesome Mazda MPV, has a handle to pull up. And no automatic doors or seats, no satellite radio, no DVD player, no wireless headphone, and did I mention no automatic doors?!

And I spent a couple of days after I got back to work complaining that something was wrong with the hot water connection from the dud shemesh (solar hot water heater) to the kitchen sink.  I was getting scalding hot water in the shower, but just warm water in the kitchen sink.  Why?  Because I was turning the handle THE WRONG WAY!!! Six years experience in my kitchen was undone by four lousy weeks away. Maybe I should have taken my mom up on it when I asked her to show me where she keeeps the pareve knives and she answered, "You're only here for four weeks - don't worry about it..." Maybe if I had sat on a chair and let others serve me, coming home would be less confusing.  But it's not my style (see previous post!) and I will just have to muddle through.

All in all, though, I am happy to be home and back in my life.  I made these adorable cookies for a new baby girl, and got to make good use of my new onesie cookie cutter - so much fun! I now have blog posts to compose, recipes to create, cakes and cookies to design and execute, life to live and if I am lucky, a vacation to enjoy.

Shavua tov!
Dvora

Life Lessons in Unlikely Spots

Joy the Baker, you rock. I love reading food blogs - really baking blogs, but I don't absolutely discriminate. I mean, I like food. A lot. I really like things that taste good. I am all about flavors. I eat too much, but not indiscriminately. I will not waste my time on something that doesn't sing to me. There is, however, a lot of singing, thus the problem. But I digress.

I really enjoy Joy's blog. And I am not the only one. She is uber-popular, one of those blogs that everyone knows. My style is not the same as hers, my life is not the same as hers, even my tastes run a little less alcoholic. And naturally, adding a little bacon to everything is a non-starter. But I enjoy reading and learning from her. And today's post that gives advice to bloggers just sang to me, and I didn't even need to eat anything. I walked into the post expecting to get some great and useful tips about blogging, and instead found some really insightful life lessons. Who'd a thunk. And here's what I learned:

1. You have to love what you do. I've said it before, but it bears repeating - for everyone. I know that if my baking turns into drudgery, I will walk away. Not the kind of "Oh, I don't feel like doing this tonight" feeling that we all have once in a while, but the soul-sucking dread that comes with a job that you really, really hate going to. Haven't we all been there before? Never again, I say.

2. Be kind to yourself. It's okay to treat yourself nicely, even just treat yourself. That's a hard one for me (I know some people who would disagree, but that's a whole different story), but I am trying to find a balance with that.

3. This is my favorite: "Work hard to make it look easy…. and just be ok with the fact that it’s totally not easy." The first part is kind of how I have always liked to do things. The second part is genius. When people see things I do and tell me I make it look effortless - it has actually happened - first I feel happy. Then I get annoyed. Nothing is effortless, and often the most hard work goes into things that seem simple. Just because I don't always show the strain doesn't mean there wasn't any. But I have to live with knowing that sometimes no one else will realize that. I know what I have done, and how hard I work, and that should be enough. Unless I am going to start playing the "sprinkle flour all over my face and apron before I serve the Rice Krispy treats" card, I need to just say that this is work. And it wouldn't be called work if it was easy - it would be called vacation. There would be a chocolate on my pillow, and continental breakfast waiting for me every morning. But shockingly, there just ain't. I am just going to go with Joy's conclusion: "I made sacrifices and I created time and… now I just sleep less." And I can live with that.

Thanks, Joy! You made my day, and gave me a lot to think about.

Dvora

Two poems for two days

Neither of these poems are what I say they are. The first, Billy Collins' 9-11 memorial poem, came to mind at the Yom Hazikaron ceremony we attended last night. When the list of the fallen that were from or somehow related to our yishuv was read, the last line popped into my mind. "So many names, there is barely room on the walls of the heart." It is true of 9-11, but no less true of the life story of the State of Israel. That's how it feels, so many names, so many lives lost, stolen, given to protect our land. 22,867 soldiers who lost their lives defending the state of Israel and 2,443 civilians who were murdered in terrorist attacks. Of the 25,310, 183 were lost this year. If only next year not another name would be added.

The Names - Billy Collins

Yesterday, I lay awake in the palm of the night.
A soft rain stole in, unhelped by any breeze,
And when I saw the silver glaze on the windows,
I started with A, with Ackerman, as it happened,
Then Baxter and Calabro,
Davis and Eberling, names falling into place
As droplets fell through the dark.
Names printed on the ceiling of the night.
Names slipping around a watery bend.
Twenty-six willows on the banks of a stream.
In the morning, I walked out barefoot
Among thousands of flowers
Heavy with dew like the eyes of tears,
And each had a name—Fiori inscribed on a yellow petal
Then Gonzalez and Han, Ishikawa and Jenkins.
Names written in the air
And stitched into the cloth of the day.
A name under a photograph taped to a mailbox.
Monogram on a torn shirt,
I see you spelled out on storefront windows
And on the bright unfurled awnings of this city.
I say the syllables as I turn a corner—Kelly and Lee,
Medina, Nardella, and O’Connor.
When I peer into the woods,
I see a thick tangle where letters are hidden
As in a puzzle concocted for children.
Parker and Quigley in the twigs of an ash,
Rizzo, Schubert, Torres, and Upton,
Secrets in the boughs of an ancient maple.
Names written in the pale sky.
Names rising in the updraft amid buildings.
Names silent in stone
Or cried out behind a door.
Names blown over the earth and out to sea.
In the evening—weakening light, the last swallows.
A boy on a lake lifts his oars.
A woman by a window puts a match to a candle,
And the names are outlined on the rose clouds—Vanacore and Wallace,
(let X stand, if it can, for the ones unfound)
Then Young and Ziminsky, the final jolt of Z.
Names etched on the head of a pin.
One name spanning a bridge, another undergoing a tunnel.
A blue name needled into the skin.
Names of citizens, workers, mothers and fathers,
The bright-eyed daughter, the quick son.
Alphabet of names in a green field.
Names in the small tracks of birds.
Names lifted from a hat
Or balanced on the tip of the tongue.
Names wheeled into the dim warehouse of memory.
So many names, there is barely room on the walls of the heart.

We will never let these names be "wheeled into the dim warehouse of memory." We keep them alive as we remember their sacrifice.

And then we somehow transition to joy and celebration - Yom Haatzmaut. This poem was the one that woke me up, that struck a chord when we were realizing that maybe we really did want, need to live here. It was as if the poet know exactly how I felt, understood the intense draw of the land. So now it is a Yom Haatzmaut poem, one that makes me know how lucky I am that we understood the pull and acted on it. This is our undeniable historical, spiritual home.

The Thread - Denise Levertov
Something is very gently,
invisibly, silently,
pulling at me-a thread
or net of threads
finer than cobweb and as
elastic. I haven't tried
the strength of it. No barbed hook
pierced and tore me. Was it
not long ago this thread
began to draw me? Or
way back? Was I
born with its knot about my
neck, a bridle? Not fear
but a stirring
of wonder makes me
catch my breath when I feel
the tug of it when I thought
it had loosened itself and gone.

So Happy 63rd Birthday to the State, reishit tzmichat geulateinu. Moadim l'simcha, l'geula shelaima!

Dvora

The shockingly high cost of baking

I would love to hear from readers in the US if the cost of food, in particular baking supplies, has seen an increase lately. Prices have been increasing steadily here, but today was an enormous shock. I have seen the price of flour increase (about 17%), the price of eggs (9%), not to mention milk and all kinds of dairy. Chocolate chips went up by about 11%, and bittersweet chocolate by 15%. Pecans nearly doubled in price over the last year, though you can definitely minimize your use. But today was truly the topper. The price of sugar rose by more than 40% (lucky me, it was on sale, limit 3 kilos, at just 15% more than last week. What a bargain!) And cocoa - the best brand of unsweetened baking cocoa was almost 50% more expensive than the week before.

Is this really a worldwide phenomenon, or are we just lucky? You know, here in the land where we pay for free education and we pay for free healthcare, we pay outrageously high income taxes, not to mention exorbitant sales tax, gasoline tariffs, and various and sundry charges for little things, like security. Still, we live here, so we are super-lucky. But I would still love some feedback...

Let me reassure you, though, that despite my rant, I am intent on maintaining my cookie prices for as long as I can. I have not raised them in over two years and will continue to hold steady as long as it's feasible. It's my commitment to provide delicious products, made of the highest quality ingredients. And I am clearly not in it for the money. So enjoy your cookies. We'll keep making them.

Dvora

Blogger is cool...

With so little time to devote to blogging right now (I hate to say it, but I have no business being on the computer right now. I have things to bake!!!), it must have taken me a while to discover that I could add stand-alone pages to this blog! But now that I found the link, I am getting started. I have already added a page with my kashrut policy, and another with, wait for it, COOKIE FLAVORS! This list has gotten outrageously long, but the flavors are like my children: I worked long and hard for them to develop properly, so how could I let any of them go? Unlike my children, they don't talk back and I never have to worry about them putting away their laundry. Have I mentioned I hate laundry? Also unlike my children, no one will arrest me if I throw a couple back into the deep water, so I have, in all due honesty, removed a couple from the uber-long flavor menu. I do reserve the right to make them if I am in the mood... Also, maybe I will someday be able to put teeny little pictures of the cookies next to each flavor. Sometimes I wish I were the Godiva chocolate guy. But not Godiva. That would be weird.

I hope you will check out the new pages, and I look forward to adding even more, including (next up) ordering information and pricing. Hope you enjoy!

Dvora

Having a lot to say

I have not posted in almost a month, but not for want of things to say, or to show. Actually, there is plenty to show, but first, the blabbing. Please note before you proceed, that sometimes I fail to edit myself very well on the first draft. And this blog: always a first draft.

Why blog?
Well, I am not exactly sure. It started as a way to share what was happening here with friends and family, as well as an outlet for writing, which I very much enjoy. But now, as business has increased, this blog has evolved into a crazy melding of my personal and professional life. When time gets short in life, it tends to lean heavily to the professional, i.e., many pictures of food, not so much of family. I have also been keeping track of the visitors to the blog, and they are increasingly driven by the pictures of cookies and cakes, often found through Google. So do I really want to include personal details? Do I want strangers from various and sundry exotic and not-so-exotic locales knowing my family's business? Hmmmmm.....

Who cares?
Well, someone must, because people are reading, though not so much when I don't post anything new. But potential customers do find me here. And I like to hear myself type, so I am okay with that.

What is my philosphy of baking?
Baking - in fact all food preparation - is love. Or it should be. I do what I do because it makes me happy in every aspect, from developing recipes to baking to decorating to adding finishing touches to feeding people and making them happy. There is a joy in it that I have not found in a great many other pursuits (Close second - getting middle schoolers to read for enjoyment, yes, actual enjoyment. It's a pretty awesome high!). I am not in it for the money, to which my husband will sadly attest, and I don't really care about making it into the big time. I just want to help people enjoy life, be it a Shabbat or holiday, or a simcha, or even helping through a sad time. I am a strong believer in sense memory, especially taste, and very Oprah-ish in my belief that food can comfort. Sometimes it's not even the food. It's the fact that someone took the time to prepare it for you, to think about what you would like, to care for you when you need it. If I am not feeling the joy (for more than a brief interlude), then it's time to walk away. But I am not there yet. There is no anger in my baking (actually, I save that for kneading challah, but that transforms into something kadosh, so it works pretty nicely!). But if the taste of and the experience of eating my food does not reflect the love put into it or the joy I experience, I should not be doing it. And that is why I think I am a good baker. Yeah, there is a little element of showing off, although I am on the record saying it is revolting when people brag about their food and I firmly believe that. If my product is good enough, it speaks for itself, and if it's not, well I should just keep my mouth shut because no words are going to make it taste better. But mostly, it is because I love when people enjoy eating what I have produced. And making someone's simcha better is just icing on the cake...

It's kind of tricky, I will admit. How do you make it about the recipients of the baked goods, and not about yourself? But I work on that every day, with every order.

Second aspect of my philosophy: Stay away from shortcuts. I NEVER, EVER use cake mix. I like my customers too much for that and I can measure ingredients just fine, thank you. I use the best quality ingredients, and I am consistent with them. If a recipe needs graham crackers, I make the graham crackers. If it needs frosting, I make the frosting. If it needs decorations, I make the decorations. My way is not easy, and it is not cheap. But if you can go buy the decors or the components and slap them all together, then you should be doing it yourself! Unless Sandra Lee is giving you advice and foolishly tells you to frost an angel food cake. Then you should just run away and scream. Loudly.

What is my philosophy on life?
Do my best, strive to be the best me I can be, help my family do their best and be the best they can be. Build a life of small moments. Eventually, we will be judged not on the big things, but on everything, so remember that every moment counts. Learn from mistakes. Don't live with regrets, always looking backward. Move forward. Take notes. Don't rest on laurels. don't waste time. And pretty much everything I believe about baking, I believe about life too: Do what brings you joy, put joy in everything you do, and don't take shortcuts. It's not always easy, and it doesn't always work, but I try, as that is the most anyone can do.

Why do I like TV so much?
Is this a trick question? And what does this have to do with anything? Nothing, but it's the holiday season, and new shows are few and far between, so I am missing it. I love narrative, though, (big book lover!!!) so I like scripted TV. Also, I enjoy Top Chef very much, but that is about as far as I venture into reality-land. TV, both broadcast and cable, has much to offer, and like the internet, can be used for good or bad. But outright rejection is foolish, because there is a lot of good. Maybe my babysitters sat me in front of the tube too much when I was young, but I have a great appreciation. Bottom line, TV good, censorship bad. Not all TV, but plenty.

Why do I write so much?
Dunno. Just do. Will reward you with pictures in exchange for patience shortly.

Until next time,
Dvora